Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
