I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You ruined the universe
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
