Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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