Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
People with herpes should wear stickers.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
