i permit you to call me
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
