We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
