Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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