I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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