I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
