Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
