She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
