I'd wear matching sweaters with you
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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