She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
