What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
