so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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