his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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