Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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