Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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