I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
