What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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