he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
false alarm, still single
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
