he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
