She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
