Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
