i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
