The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
