you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
