I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
