quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
