I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
