oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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