Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
