hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize