I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
