the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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