You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
whose parrot is this?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
