we have pet lesbian snakes
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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