I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
