Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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