How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
