Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
