My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
