He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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