Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
