I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
