He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
