i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
