The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
