no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
