why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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