someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
