lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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