There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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