For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
