At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
