So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
