Having a random hookup so left but love u
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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