I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
