i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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