Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
being pregnant is like rehab
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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