3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
