I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
