You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
